The Small Stuff

I'm going to cut to the chase...it's been a rough summer.

This is a personal blog, so I'm going to talk specifically about one of my own, individual challenges. The small stuff, if you will. I acknowledge that my personal challenges seem petty, pale and insignificant in comparison to the pain, suffering and injustices happening to people all over the world.

At the end of the school year, I was laid off from my guidance counseling assistant job and the school that I so thoroughly enjoyed and appreciated. In more specific terms, I was "bumped," which I guess softens the blow a little, because I know that the people I worked for valued my hard work and abilities and did not want to see me permanently pack up my office and leave.

Last year I left my job on my terms, ready to leap into the unknown, eager for change and excited for the possibilities. This year,  I left on someone else's terms...the motivation that revved me up last year is harder to muster up...and right now I'm feeling a bit adrift.

Adrift...but not hopeless. I've learned a lot about myself this past year and that I am more resilient and capable of change than I previously thought. I know that eventually I will find my way. I have some ideas on my next steps, and now it's a simple matter of choosing one rabbit to chase."One foot in front of the other." It's time to move forward.

But that's just the small stuff...

Self Care & Self Reflection

Three months ago, I took the first steps down an entirely new career path when I accepted a guidance counseling assistant position at a public school in St. Paul. Specifically, I oversee the standardized testing that occurs at our school, I manage student records, and I even have the opportunity to advise students on certain topics -- but I'm not a licensed counselor, so my opportunities in that realm are a bit more limited.

My past three months working in education have been an incredibly fulfilling and enlightening experience.  My position provides me with a looking glass into several directions I could potentially pursue if I ultimately decide to build a long-term career in education. I've had people ask if I plan to someday become a licensed counselor, or would I ever want to consider teaching and get a teaching licence, or perhaps I might eventually pursue a position at a district level versus supporting a specific school, or maybe even venture into political pursuits or policy making that focus on education improvement (I do have many thoughts on testing now!). And yes, I've let my mind wander and ponder what each of these paths could look like. But, it's all a bit premature, given I'm so completely new to this world and I have a lot to learn.

However, for now, I'm trying to focus on my current responsibilities and do them to the best of my abilities without getting too swept up in the excitement and stress of identifying the next big achievement goal. A key lesson from my career pause, after all, is to stay present in the "here-and-now", to live fully in each moment without getting too caught up in a specific narrative. It can be fun to dream, sure, but I have a tendency to get swept up in those dreams only to then to inject unreasonably high expectations and stress so that those dreams shift into more of a nightmarish territory.

It's not always easy to stay present, and I do find that now that I'm working full time again, I fall victim to some of my old and exhausting habits. My perfectionist inclinations and my inner control freak have followed me into my new career path. Those traits did not magically disappear just because I left the "high powered" world of corporate strategy and consulting. However, now I am much better about catching myself when these tendencies surface, and guide myself to a gentler, more caring state of mind.

In December, just before I started my new job, I chose to end my "career time out" with a Yoga retreat to Tulum, MX with my yoga studio. For 5 days, I had the incredible gift to practice self-care in an epic, inspiring, natural paradise, to reflect upon the big risk that I took when I left my job and finally allowed myself to imagine a very different sort of life, and redefine what "success" means for me (hint: it's not about "stuff" or income brackets).

Returning to that state of mind that I captured during my time off and during the Yoga retreat helps me to reconnect with my true intentions for the kind of life I want to live and the person I want to be. When I find the stress kicking up and the worry sinking in, I remind myself to "float down the river", to embrace the ambiguity and transition, and to relish in each messy, beautiful, chaotic, glorious moment.

Seaside Selfie. 
 Lighter in mind, body (by more than 25# at the time this photo was taken...even more now!) and spirit than when I first left my  job at the end of May, 2015.

Easy breezy beach side in Mexico.

Here I am, climbing a Mayan Ruin.

I captured this majestic sunrise my last morning in Tulum. 
What a perfect way to end one chapter, and begin another.

Aloha! A Throwback to the HI Life

B and I took a Hawaiian Honeymoon to Maui back in March, wherein I checked off a grand total of 5 items from my 2015 List, plus 2 bonus items.

And now here we are, some 9 months later, and I still haven't written about our incredible Hawaiian Honeymoon. Heck, my friend MK (who inspired my list) has already written up her recent HI life experience via several posts (like here and here and here), and her trip was just a month ago. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if she wrote up her entries while she was still kicking it on the Big Island!

So here we go, better late than never. Besides, it's fun for me to reminisce about our Maui Vacation (achieving #71 on the list), especially now that the weather here in Minne has turned snowy and blustery. Plus, I only have a few days left in 2015 before the 2016 listing begins!

Despite cooler than average temps and a decent amount of rain, we had a wonderful time, filled with adventure, new experiences, tasty treats, and plenty of Hawaiian rainbows (a nice output to all that rain).  Here's a pictorial of some of the highlights from our romantic getaway.

B and I stayed in an ocean view room at the beautiful Westin Maui Resort & Spa on Ka'anapali Beach. The grounds are beautiful, and include a parrot that says "Aloha." We had a terrific stay.

  

We had fun checking out the Whaler's Village, a cute little shopping and restaurant district right next to our hotel. This is a view of the Whaler's Village from above, taken from our hotel room balcony.

We also enjoyed exploring various sites along the beach. Check out B, the surfer, and me, the hula girl :)

  

One day, we drove out to have a late lunch at the famous Mama's Fish House located on Maui's North Shore. It was absolutely 100% worth the hype! Next time we visit Maui, we think we may stay at the Inn at Mama's, just so we can eat at the Fish House every single day. Mmmmm!

  

We had fun exploring various parts of the island in our Jeep. The photos below are of Sun Yat Sen Park in Upcountry Maui, The Ulupalakua Vineyards/Maui Winery, and the famous Banyan Tree on Front Street in Lahaina.

 

My friend LWH recommended we check out the Feast at Lele, a Polynesian Luau that explores the culture and cuisine of several Pacific Island nations. One of the dancers looked just like my cousin, which added to our enjoyment of the evening. Going to a Luau was #73 on my 2015 list.

  

We also took in a day of snorkeling (#72 on my list) and whale watching. During our snorkel, we swam with sea turtles (#75) -- one even swam right up next to me -- I had to hurriedly swim out of the way so it wouldn't collide with me! Whale watching was also a wonderful experience. We were in Hawaii at the end of Humpback whale season, after the whales had their babies, so little whale families were surfacing often. In fact, the experience was so cool that I retroactively added "go whale watching" as a Bonus item (#104) on my list.

 

 

One rather eerie activity we did was visit the Nakalele Blowhole, a naturally occurring wonder that has claimed several victims, its retreating water sucking in unsuspecting lives through the blowhole. We kept a good distance. Safety first...

 

One of the most fun activities we did during our vacation was to zipline. I can't believe this one wasn't on my list either, so hey, what the heck - I added it as Bonus item #105. We ziplined with the Flyin Hawaiian, Hawaii's longest zipline adventure! The trip also included a surprise 4 wheeler ride up to the first zipline - so much rain and mud made four wheeling the only way we could get to the start of the course.

 

B and I also traveled the Road to Hana (#74 on the list) an incredible adventure that we enjoyed, but mutually agreed that once was enough (switchback city! The ride is a nail-biter.) Here are just a few of the stops we took along the way...

Generally speaking, the whole drive felt like being in the movie, Fern Gully. 50 Shades of Green! So lush!

 

Early on, we stopped to see Three Bears Falls for a few brief snaps. We had to park up a hill and hike back down the twisty turny road to see it, but it was worth it.

While we were waiting for the Lava Tube tour to open, we checked out the Kahanu Botanical Gardens and ancient sacred temple. A picturesque stop that was worth the visit. Also, watch out for falling coconuts!

 

The Hana lava tubes were awesome. Do it. Trust me. 'Nuff said.

 

We got a bit ambitious and took a hike on the Pipiwai Trail, a climb of nearly 100 vertical flights of stairs, according to my Fitbit. The hike included the rather ominous sign listed below, and an incredible stretch of bamboo forest that seems to appear out of nowhere and ends with a waterfall. Cool!

 

Just beneath the Pipiwai trail hike are the famous Seven Sacred Pools. Sometimes sharks swim in them - yikes! But fear not, the pools where quite dry when we were there...so no sharkies. Confession time: By the time we got to the pools, we were on nature overload, and I admit, we didn't stay long.

All in all, and as you can see from the photos, we had a spectacular honeymoon. Aloha, Hawaii, until we meet again!

Adulting (aka a Somewhat Boring Post about Long Term Fiscal Planning)

Money Money Money. Money.

I've thought about money here and there over the past several months, ever since I left my job back at the end of May. Funny how that works, once the money train stops a-choo-chooing, it suddenly becomes a top of mind topic.

While I was more than prepared with savings especially set aside for my time away from working professionally, I couldn't help but think about my net worth, and how I would secure my future.

So, I decided to step up my investment game with the help of a professional financial advisor (#12 on my 2015 List).

I ultimately decided to work with a trusted family advisor who managed my grandparents' estate, and one particularly arduous task on my to-do list with said advisor was to finally get around to consolidating my retirement accounts set up through my various employers over the years.

So...okay, YAY for my (ultra limited) 'savviness' and investing in my employer retirement plans, meeting at least the match, and for saving every last piece of mail and paperwork associated with said investments from the last 13 years in a couple of big file bins...and BOO for basically doing absolutely NOTHING else to help my future self financially (like, I never even opened any of the previously mentioned mail -- I would receive it and eventually get around to throwing it in a file bin to "deal with later." Yep, financial genius here).

Let's just say it took a long flipping time to get my financial house in order to finally consolidate my moolah. All in all, I started the process in July, which included a lot of sleuthing, making frustrating phone calls, and sorting through mountains of paperwork and old mail to make sure I had everything I needed, and I only just finalized my new consolidated account, like 3 weeks ago.

I freely admit I dragged my feet along the way and didn't necessarily bank a lot of confidence with my new advisor who might think I'm kind of a moron (true), but I'm glad that I finally got my act together to take care of my biznaasss.

I now feel like a bonafide successful grown ass woman, with a legit financial planner and a positive net worth (until we buy a house, that is...), and a clear understanding of WTF is actually going on with my hard-earned benjamins. It's also comforting to know that I'm on track for saving for my retirement, despite this little career pause.

So hey. I adulted. It was boring, it was frustrating, and it involved me having to buckle down and think through some important decisions regarding my and Brian's future and use my brain when I thought I'd spend this whole down time period letting it atrophy (kidding...a little!). But, it was also empowering and freeing to see the fruits that I've worked so hard for all of these years -- knowledge is power!

No more adulting for me for a while now (kidding again...a little! winky face! ;))

Small (and Tasty) Wins

I love cheesy grits. I'm not sure when I first discovered this love of mine, but it's a love that has endured for several years now, and I've always wanted to learn how to make them at home.

For some reason, I always thought that making grits would be super hard, so I put off figuring out how to do it myself.

I'm not a total moron in the kitchen -- though my previous statement about grits being a tough dish to make might suggest otherwise...because it turns out making grits is incredibly simple.

Also, did you know grits and polenta are the same darn thing? Really, I swear I'm not a total idiot in the kitchen.

Grits = Polenta. Who knew?!? Oh, YOU knew??? Smartypants!

Late last week while perusing Pinterest, I found a delicious sounding recipe for Basil Parmesan Polenta via a zippy, fun and healthy little website called The Slender Kitchen. So, I decided to make it, thus checking off #11 of my 2015 List to make grits. #goals

From the stove top to my gullet. Omnomnom!

The basil parmesan grits were a delicious accompaniment to the bone-in strip steak that B made and the phenomenal bottle of Horse & Plow 2013 Farmstead "Old Vines" Red wine (thanks for the recco, South Lyndale Liquors), all served up while binge watching Aziz Ansari's equally delicious, uber insightful, new original Netflix series called Master of None. We are party animals.

I wanted to get the TV in the background showing our Netflix selection, 

but the TV glare....and my lacking iphotography skills...oy.

Hey Aziz, in the extreme likelihood that you stumble open my blog, just wanted to let you know that you're invited to our humble abode here in MPLS ANYTIME for my Basil Parmesan grits, bone-in steak, mid-priced vino ($20 range) and semi-intelligent conversation on human truths, theories and observations. Also, do you like cats? Meeow!

Always In Transition

"Humans [are] transitional beings - beings who are neither fully caught nor fully free but are in the process of awakening...I'm in the process of becoming, in the process of evolving...I'm creating my future with every word, every action, every thought."

- Pema Chodron

I love this excerpt from Pema Chodron's book, Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change, which I'm currently reading. It's a powerful reminder that we are all transient; nothing about our lives is permanent nor guaranteed. 

I find a mix of both peace and apprehension with the knowledge of my own fluidity. It's easy to cling to certain perceptions and ideas we have about ourselves, both good and bad. It's a clear cut solution to set very specific goals and begin the steadfast march along a specific course of action. My natural tendency, my go-to inclination, is to attempt to control and corral the world around me.

I don't think I'm alone in this desire to want to control, to keep things fixed and comfortable. The irony is that, in that effort to control everything, when the world inevitably throws a wrench in our carefully laid plans, we often feel anything but easy breezy.

While it is scary and challenging to "let go" and "just be," I am learning that it is extremely empowering to grant myself the freedom to flow, to change my mind and views as I gain new insight from the world around me, to lean into the obstacles and explore new routes rather than resist them simply because they were unexpected. I am learning to accept the world as it is (in all of its infinite chaos), and me as I am (and my infinite chaos), while inviting in the room to evolve, to grow, to change.

"We Plan, God Laughs"

It's been just about four months since I left the corporate gig, and these days, I am a BUSY little bee! While I still find time more time than the average working bear to flop and laze (you might recall the "flop and laze" is pretty much the defining characteristic of my early weeks of FUNemployment), I now have quite the packed calendar. 

Four months ago, I could never have guessed that where I am now is where I would be. Oh, I had ideas...but reality was quick to remind me of the pure TRUTH of that old Yiddish Proverb, "We plan, God Laughs."

I'll let you in on a little secret. I am a burgeoning oenephile (though that is not really a secret to those who know me well). While I've imbibed in wine for many years, it's only been in the past few years that I've gotten more passionate and committed to learning the details and intricacies of the wonderful world of wine (especially those delicious sparklers!) In fact, I was SUPPOSED to begin a semester long, in-depth wine professional/sommelier certification program this fall...but my program was cancelled. I signed up for the program before I quit my job, so when the program was cancelled, I was bummed, to say the least. Sure, it's just a temporary road block and I'm exploring other programs (and keeping my eye out for this program to potentially start up in the winter), but that program was meant to be my fall anchor and provide the momentum to launch of a whole new career! Now what was I supposed to do?!

In the absence of a formal wine program at my finger tips, I decided the least I could do was visit a few new wineries, my own little independent study. I visited a Minnesota Winery (#79 on my 2015 List) called Warehouse Winery, conveniently located right here in the Twin Cities. While the space was cool, and it was fun to learn about Minnesota's cold climate grapes, including those grown in the St Croix river valley, I wasn't in love with the wines themselves. Additionally, I just returned from a brief vacation to San Francisco to visit my friends W+D and drink plenty of wine. My trip to SF included a day sojourn to Napa, where we visited not one, but 3 new-to-me California wineries (#81 on my list). We decided to focus on bubbles for the day and visited Domaine Carneros (my favorite of the 3), Chandon and Mumm. After our day of wine tastings, we even managed to score a table at Bouchon for dinner in the chichi Napa town of Yountville. Bouchon is a Thomas Keller restaurant, and I soon learned he is kind of a big deal chef. Dinner at Bouchon did not disappoint and was a great way to close out our Napa day trip.

I am also filling the void by hitting the fitness beat hard. I've always enjoyed working out, but it was something I consistently downgraded and sacrificed back in my consultant days in favor of bending over backward for demanding clients and colleagues on projects that really didn't fire me up. Well, now that I don't have that pesky JOB thing to deal with, I'm working out 5-6 days a week, and sometimes twice in one day. My workouts include OTF interval training 2-3 times a week, running 2-3 times a week (gearing up for the Medtronic TC 10 Mile race next weekend), and practicing yoga 1-3 times a week. Also, over past 6 weeks or so, have cleaned up my eating quite a bit, and am on a 40+ day streak logging my foodstuffs into MyFitnessPal. My newfound healthy habits seem to be paying off. In fact, I've lost 21 lbs since I left my career at the end of May. I haven't felt this strong and healthy in years!

Perhaps the most unexpected development is that I have a JOB(ish)! I'm currently volunteering four afternoons a week at a Title I Saint Paul public secondary school, serving as the Stage Manager for the Fall Musical production of Little Shop of Horrors. What's funny about this is that I have ZE-to the-RO experience working in any kind of theater. Thankfully, I'm an enthusiastic learner, I have plenty of experience volunteering with kids, and I'm pretty tight with the director (he was a groomsmen in our wedding). I'm learning a ton, and I even had the opportunity to meet with a professional stage manager to help me learn some of  the ropes. Essentially though, I'm an extra pair of hands to help further the efforts of a theater program that has limited resources, and I want to do the best job I can to make a positive contribution.

The most fulfilling thing about volunteering with the production so far is, of course, the kids.They are fricking awesome, and I love them. They are so passionate and fun, and it's a thrill to get to know them and share this learning experience with them. According to some of the kids, my selfie game is strong, my outfits are on fleek, I'm way younger than they thought I'd be, I'm not too annoying, I'm sort of cool, but I really cannot dance. Hey, I'll take what I can get! I also now know what "BAE" and "THOT" stand for. I'm a little behind on today's slang, but nothing like hanging out with 6th thru 12th graders to get up to speed.

So, that's where I am now. Each day, I'm growing more comfortable with living life without a storyline (Pema Chodron's words, per the link) opting instead to do my best to roll with ebbs and flows of life versus trying to commandeer and manipulate every darn little thing to my liking and resisting life's natural currents and inevitable obstacles. It's not easy, but I am happy to be learning to live in this more open-minded way, a way that acknowledges that my life's script is one of infinite fluidity, never to be set in stone. I feel more free, more empowered, and more aware of new opportunities and paths that I might have otherwise overlooked; paths that have perhaps been there all along, just waiting for me to be ready to explore more freely. And the journey continues...