I’ve been working longer hours than normal lately and have felt completely out of balance with this all work no play pattern. Just two nights ago I went to bed feeling defeated, frustrated and blocked from living the life I really want. “Fuck it all,” I thought to myself, and fell asleep to a night of really weird and disconcerting dreams. When I woke up, I felt different somehow and all sorts of clichés started running though my head – Today is the first day of the rest of my life…be the change…Stop thinking and start doing – and I actually felt inspired to follow suit.
Last night I joined a gym. No biggie…but something I had talked about for a long time, and hey - I finally did it. I joined a gym, and worked out for the first time in far too long. I met up with a friend afterward and tried out a new-to-me outdoor Italian sandwich joint. I then came home and went to bed at a respectable hour for once (I’ve been having a hard time sleeping since B moved to Minne for the summer). It was quite a change from working and staring at a computer until 9 or 10pm, watching crap TV for a few hours, going to bed at 1am, and waking up the next morning feeling like shit, exhausted and unmotivated and just trying to get through the day. The gym, friend time, sammy, and early-to-bed represents a refreshing change of pace, which I suppose goes without saying.This morning, I changed my car insurance provider and purchased renter’s insurance – two items that have been on my to-do list for a while, but I kept putting off. It may sound trivial and dull…but it felt so empowering to get shit done and take control of my life.
I have an old friend who has given her life a 180 degree overhaul (flip turned upside down, as Will Smith would say). She recently quit her job and is contemplating a move out West (and she’s writing about her experiences here – it’s a great read: http://onefortheblog.wordpress.com/ ). I’ve been reading her blog from the start (though it's just a few months old), and it got me thinking should I do this too? Do I need a complete overhaul? I’ve thought about this a lot lately, and have come to the conclusion that even though my job is on the stressful side, and I work in an ego-laden industry (wassup ad agency land), and my relationship is a little complicated (only due to distance – we're steady as a rock), and my chakras are unaligned (probably all of them)…for the most part, I like the direction my life seems to be moving. But it's undeniable that I do need to recalibrate (see above: the bit about the effed up chakras in particular). So…why the hell have I just been stewing in this reality, and not doing something about it?
I'm glad to say the change is happening now, and I'm fueling it rather than waiting for the change to magically happen. I’m glad I’m finally owning up and doing something about it. The change small…but it’s important and completely necessary, and I believe the payoff will be huge.
This is the first time I’ve written for fun in more than 6 months. In this moment, writing once again feels like good therapy, and for as long as that good feeling lasts, I’ll be back here tapping away on the keyboard in my not-exactly-trademarked stream-of-consciousness writing style, sharing my small wins and posting links to cat photos and other stupid things that I find funny, and offering up my “deep thoughts” and observations of the world around me.
Listening to: The Sad Piano (Charles Webster Mix) by Steve Bug