Namaste Mother******

The peg-leg hooker upstairs is stomping around like a woman scorned. That's the nickname B and I gave to our upstairs neighbor, because she clomps around at all hours of the night on what are either a set of extreme stilettos, or a peg leg (or...option three - both??). Anyway, someone musta done screwed her over good because, holy hell, she is yelling at someone at the top of her lungs, stompety stomping all over the place right now! I've never met her, but I'm sure she's quite pleasant.

Anyway, I went to yoga on Friday for the first time in a long time (peg leg hooker could stand to get her yoga on, if I do say so). I've missed the practice, but...this was not quite what I had in mind. We were in shavasana for about a third of the class, and for the remaining two-thirds, we held 3 poses total. I enjoy pigeon pose as much as the next gal, but I was hoping for something with a little more flow to it.

I have an appointment with my new personal trainer on Friday, and I cannot wait to meet him. When the membership woman at Pure (my gym) asked me about my fitness goals to help pair me up with an appropriate trainer, I told her on thing only - I wanted a trainer who could coach me in boxing. I miss boxing, which I got into a little bit when I lived in Chicago, and there is no other work out quite like it. I have never fought anyone (and don't plan to), but boxing as a form of exercise is the absolute best work out and stress release I have experienced. Pure does not have any boxing classes, thus I'm turning to Greg. If he lets me down, I may explore a boxing gym - I miss it that much.

I've been having some "Fight Club" type moments lately (maybe the desire to resume boxing was my first clue?). Tyler Durden is invading my thoughts with his gentle wisdom that I'll share with you now:

You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis.

I've decided to interpret this wisdom as I need to de-clutter. I know it's not quite what T-Dogg meant, and I'm doing the recalibrate/re-prioritize/get-centered/be less materialistic stuff too, but for purposes of this post's last little nugget of fun, let's focus on the de-clutter bit. I'm starting my de-clutter project with a full scale attack on the 3+ year stack of mail that I have sitting in my closet. This weekend I have spent a solid 4 hours sorting old mail and shredding documents. Who has two thumbs and a rock star lifestyle? This girl!

Listening to: Frank Sinatra by Cake

Jump Start

Long time no see, blog…I’ve missed you. For a while, writing seemed like a drag and just another thing on the to-do list. And that sense of dread completely defeated the purpose of what writing was all about for me (a therapeutic outlet). But very recently the tables have once again turned, and I’ve found myself experiencing an overwhelming urge to create. Create something, anything.

I’ve been working longer hours than normal lately and have felt completely out of balance with this all work no play pattern. Just two nights ago I went to bed feeling defeated, frustrated and blocked from living the life I really want. “Fuck it all,” I thought to myself, and fell asleep to a night of really weird and disconcerting dreams. When I woke up, I felt different somehow and all sorts of clichés started running though my head – Today is the first day of the rest of my life…be the change…Stop thinking and start doing – and I actually felt inspired to follow suit.

Last night I joined a gym. No biggie…but something I had talked about for a long time, and hey - I finally did it. I joined a gym, and worked out for the first time in far too long. I met up with a friend afterward and tried out a new-to-me outdoor Italian sandwich joint. I then came home and went to bed at a respectable hour for once (I’ve been having a hard time sleeping since B moved to Minne for the summer). It was quite a change from working and staring at a computer until 9 or 10pm, watching crap TV for a few hours, going to bed at 1am, and waking up the next morning feeling like shit, exhausted and unmotivated and just trying to get through the day. The gym, friend time, sammy, and early-to-bed represents a refreshing change of pace, which I suppose goes without saying.

This morning, I changed my car insurance provider and purchased renter’s insurance – two items that have been on my to-do list for a while, but I kept putting off. It may sound trivial and dull…but it felt so empowering to get shit done and take control of my life.

I have an old friend who has given her life a 180 degree overhaul (flip turned upside down, as Will Smith would say). She recently quit her job and is contemplating a move out West (and she’s writing about her experiences here – it’s a great read: http://onefortheblog.wordpress.com/ ). I’ve been reading her blog from the start (though it's just a few months old), and it got me thinking should I do this too? Do I need a complete overhaul? I’ve thought about this a lot lately, and have come to the conclusion that even though my job is on the stressful side, and I work in an ego-laden industry (wassup ad agency land), and my relationship is a little complicated (only due to distance – we're steady as a rock), and my chakras are unaligned (probably all of them)…for the most part, I like the direction my life seems to be moving. But it's undeniable that I do need to recalibrate (see above: the bit about the effed up chakras in particular). So…why the hell have I just been stewing in this reality, and not doing something about it?

I'm glad to say the change is happening now, and I'm fueling it rather than waiting for the change to magically happen. I’m glad I’m finally owning up and doing something about it. The change small…but it’s important and completely necessary, and I believe the payoff will be huge.

This is the first time I’ve written for fun in more than 6 months. In this moment, writing once again feels like good therapy, and for as long as that good feeling lasts, I’ll be back here tapping away on the keyboard in my not-exactly-trademarked stream-of-consciousness writing style, sharing my small wins and posting links to cat photos and other stupid things that I find funny, and offering up my “deep thoughts” and observations of the world around me.

Listening to: The Sad Piano (Charles Webster Mix) by Steve Bug

Unsolved Mystery...Solved!

Whatever happened to Rice Krispies Treats Cereal? Brian gets to hear me ask that question practically every time we go grocery shopping. It is, by far, my favorite cereal of all time and today I was extra troubled by its unexplainable disappearance from store shelves. So I decided it was time to break out the big-guns and crack this case. Enter Google.

Sadly, Google search results disappointingly reported that it's been discontinued. And I'm not the only one who's bummed about it.

All of the children of the 90's are apparently saddened by the loss...

So is Ian Bishop and 294 other members on the "Bring Back Rice Krispie Treat Cereal" facebook page.

But! BUT WAIT! It turns out all of these crybabies are a bunch of SUCKERS, and Google is a big fat liar (that bitch!)

Amazon to the rescue -- only $28.99 for a 4 pack - a steal at $7.25 a box!

Aaaaaand, gotta love Michigan Classic Meijer - at a better price, 2 boxes for $6.36!

The best news of all is I don't have to order my cereal online thanks to the Kellogg's product finder!

Brian and I place a cap on Christmas shopping at $50 since the holidays are stressful enough. Something tells me it will be a very Krispies Christmas! And, I'm okay with that.

Words/Phrases That Irritate Me And My Wacky Rationale To Explain Why

1. "Hubby" -- Every married 20/30-something I know says this. Maybe I'm just jealous?

2. "Kiddo" -- Again, everyone I know with a child under the age of 10 says this. My mom used to call me this. Yep, must be the jealousy again. I have no good reason for this one either.

3. "Stinkin' cute" or derivative thereof, such as "stinkin' adorable" and often used to describe couples, babies, small children, and old people. -- I probably just hate cute people. Especially the ones that smell bad.

4. "Shit show" -- Brian says this a lot. He knows it bugs me. I'm sure he doesn't do it on purpose, like, ever. At least it's not a "stinkin'" shit show...

5. "Tough love" -- My mom used to say this to me in college when I would call home feeling frustrated and wanting to whine. I remember distinctly finally telling her how much I hated that phrase. I still hate it (sorry, Mom!)

6. "I just threw up a little in my mouth" -- Because this is just gross

7. "Plethora" -- Because this is just an annoying thesaurus word

8. "Juxtaposition" -- Because it was highly overused in the film class I took in college. I vowed to never use it in my own writing. According to this post, I've broken my vow.

9. "Angel" to describe a child. As in "She's my angel" or "He is a perfect little angel." IMHO this just increases the odds of your 'kiddo' developing a God complex early on in life (and we already have way too many of those people walking around already) -- Again with the jealousy, eh? I probably just want to buy your baby.*

*Name that reference from a popular 90's comedy now running in syndication. I saw this particular episode tonight on the CW.

Dress Attire: Texas Snappy Casual

Last week, B and I went to a UT MBA welcome dinner at the famous Salt Lick Bar-B-Que in Driftwood, TX. The Dresscode? Texas Snappy Casual.

WTF?

I googled, I Yahoo searched, I Binged...and it turns out there are absolutely zero (as in none, nada, a big fat goose-egg) results for the phrase "Texas Snappy Casual."

Search Engine FAIL.

As Salt Lick eve neared, I started to get super worried. After all, being the fashionista that I am (hahahah), I would just die if I went to the party wearing the wrong outfit! Thankfully, one of Brian's classmates sent out the following mass email and demystified the Texas Snappy Dress Code for all us Northerners.

Notes On "Texas Snappy Casual"

No one will be turned away, so stop freaking out.

The basic TSC requirement goes something like this: "Wear the tightest, darkest, denim jeans or skirt you can find!" Bonus points will be awarded (by me) for cowboy boots, hats, and belt buckle. The FULL ON TEXAN will have a dress shirt (or blouse) with two pockets, shell buttons, and something dangling off it. If you have any questions about your outfit, please send me a photo at [phone # omitted for privacy].

Here are some examples of "TSC", courtesy of an image of some random buckaroo I found on Bing images, along an image of Miley Cyrus. The "Miley", as I will call it, was a pretty popular version of "TSC" for many of the female attendees.



So. Now y'all know. And now it's time for me to go buy me some boots! Yee Haw!

Cocktail Party

Recently, I was asked what my most impressive cocktail party line about myself would be. I was caught with my pants down on that one, and had no idea what to say. Pants down metaphorically. Not literally. I have a lot of weight left to lose before that's going to happen.

Anyway, I've had a bit of time to ponder, and came up with what I think is a range of highly interesting (and of course highly appropriate) factoids about myself to help spark conversation with potential new friends and contacts. They are all true, and now all I have to do is choose the best. Not sure how I'm going to do that- all of these are such winners! Anyway, here goes...

“I can do an impressive wild turkey call.”

“I am fluent in pig-latin.”

“I once played Whirly ball with Jason Mraz...ok, well not him, but his roadies.”

“In 2003, I met Jeff Timmons, member of the boy band 98 degrees, and did you know he is extremely short in real life? ”

“I’ve shared multiple elevator rides with David Copperfield.”

“I once hired an animal psychic to do a reading on my cats.”

“Turns out, my bologna has a first name.”

“I used to be in a band. Marching band.”

“My first CD was ‘The Sign’ by Ace of Base."

“I am known far and wide for my dead-on geese, rat, and giraffe impressions."

“My porn star name is ‘Misty Brookmoor.’ You know, where you combine your first pet’s name with the street you grew up on...hm… ok…never mind.”

“I once spilled a drink on Ryder Strong, of ‘Boy Meets World’ fame.”

“I know people who know people.”

“When I was a kid, I took comp-ed trips to Vegas. That's how I rolled when I was six.”

“I have an ancestor named Benona. No, not ‘Banana’; 'Benona.'”

“I may or may not know all the lyrics to ‘Baby Got Back.’”

“I have an irrational fear of bull sharks. They can survive in fresh water. In fact, there is a documented case of a bull shark that was caught in Lake Michigan. Maybe my fear isn’t so irrational after all, eh?”

“I’m a forceps baby.”

“Wanna hear me crack my jaw?”

B Started a Blog...

...and his most recent post is titled What Awaits in Austin, Part1. Hard to believe that in less than 3 weeks from today, I'll be an Austin resident!

Chicago, I'll miss you but...I'm SO READY to see what Austin has to offer!